hotel room ftw
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
