batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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