I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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