Define "chronic" masturbator.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
