You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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