Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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