I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
