I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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