My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
