why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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