he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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