I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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