I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
