if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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