i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
