i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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