I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i think my cat just said my name.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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