you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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