I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
