I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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