Already got asked if we're dating
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
