Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
