he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
