how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just had sex on a roof
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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