I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
