I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He better not be in your backpack
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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