I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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