I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
wow bdsm is so cute
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize