drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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