there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
