I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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