So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
