So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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