sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My room smells like vodka and shame
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
