she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
