I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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