Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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