Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
