apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
