She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
A+ Viking dick
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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