I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
