She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize