Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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