R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
