the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
