My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
