dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
