As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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