walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Your penis caused this!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
