By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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