hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
