so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
