she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
