I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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