She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
