When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
