A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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