I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize