why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
