Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
sex in a hospital.. check
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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