I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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