I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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