There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
