Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
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