Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
