she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize