what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
