Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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