I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
