I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
