She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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