in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
