Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
