So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
