"it" just moved
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
