the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
