im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
