obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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