He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
