I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
