the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
