ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
