i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize