This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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