So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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