Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
