he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
