I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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