Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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